Summary:
After a period of extended peace in the Mushroom Kingdom, Mario and Luigi
Find themselves bored with their new, mundane life of kart racing and Mario-
Partying. After a bit of prodding and a prank phone call, the two make the
decision that it’s finally time to move somewhere new and try to get new jobs.
The Mario Bros decide that they need a new house, and so they have a real estate agent
take them to a variety of different homes. However, due to various circumstances,
such as some instinctive behaviors of the Mario Bros and incompatible neighbors,
finding a home is a difficult process. Along the way, they pick up the Wario Bros,
who they owe a favor, and Ash Ketchum, who they feel kind of bad for, and they
decide to share a place together.
Eventually, there’s only one place that the group could possibly live in without any legal
involvement, and everyone agrees to stay there. After a quick down payment,
they’re off to live in their new home, which they haven’t really looked at yet.
After discovering that they actually have no real possessions except for Wario’s
sacks of gold and a few minor things, they decide to move in at once. It is then
when they discover that the house is already inhabited by Solid Snake and
Otacon. After a bit of awkwardness, Otacon tells them they can stay there on one
condition: They have to ask nicely. Expecting something much more difficult, the
group agrees and are happy to move into their new place.
Scene 1
Location:
Characters:
Props: Angry Birds game somewhere, baseball gear for four people, mail
Mario Bros.’ house
Narrator (voice only), Mario, Luigi, Toads (voice only), Smith
Narrator:
And so we find our heroes relaxing and enjoying themselves on this bright and
sunny day!
Mario: (Sitting on a couch, flipping through TV channels. Calls to Luigi in another room) Luigi!
The narrator’s back!
Luigi: (Off-screen) Mama mia! I thought I sprayed for those things! Every single day...
(Wanders into view behind Mario) So Mario, nothing’s on TV today?
Mario: Nah, not really. (Pause) Luigi?
Luigi: Yeah Mario?
Mario: Do you think our lives have gotten a little... boring recently?
Luigi: Why do you say that?
Mario: Well... it’s just... when was the last time we had to save the Princess? One, two years ago?
Don’t get me wrong, it’s great that Bowser’s kinda given up kidnapping in favor
of another hobby--- (Cut to clip of Bowser playing Angry Birds saying something
like “This game is so addicting!â€) ---but still, with this extended peace in the
Mushroom Kingdom, things have really slowed down. (Group sigh)
Luigi: Oh! I know what’ll cheer you up! Want to have a Mario Party?
Mario: Nah. It was alright for the first three games, but after nine... eh... not so much.
Luigi: Don’t forget the ones for the Gameboy Advance and DS!
Mario: Yeah, yeah... Hey, want to do some sports?
Luigi: Mario, you know I have bad coordination. That’s why you never pick me when we-a do
these things.
(Cut to scene where Mario and Wario are picking teams for baseball. It’s Mario’s pick.)
Mario: Hmmm... (He looks at Luigi, who seems normal and in gear, and then looks at Waluigi,
who has one shoe on, has his shirt on like a cape, his hat lopsided, and is chewing
on his glove.) I choose... Waluigi.
Waluigi: Oh yeah! Waluigi time! (Luigi has a shocked look on his face.)
Wario: Alright. Looks like I get the green guy. (Luigi sulks over)
Mario: (Walking back, talks to teammates) Oakie-dokey, it’s-a gonna be a quick game tonight
fellas---
(Cuts back to regular scene)
Mario: Oh yeah... Well, we can’t do kart racing since gas is so expensive. It cost me 49 coins for
a full tank last time, and that usually lasts only one race!
Luigi :Smash Brothers?
Mario
o you want to be beaten up by a pink blob again?Luigi: No... (Pause)
Mario: *sigh* Luigi, I... I think it may be time for us to move somewhere else.
Luigi :Waaa! Mario, are you sure?
Mario: Think about it, Luigi. We’re not really needed here anymore. With Bowser out of the
way, it’s gotten really easy to defend the Mushroom Kingdom. Maybe we should
go somewhere new, experience new things... you know, get away from our boring
life...
Luigi: I don’t know... we’ll need to think about this a little bit longer... (Phone rings) I’ll-a get
it, Mario. (Picks up phone) Hello?
Toad: *snickering in background* Hello? Is this Luigi?
Luigi: Yes, it’s-a me.
Toad: Well, you were the guy who beat level 3-4, right?
Luigi: Oh yeah! Why?
Toad :Well, I just wanted to say, thank you for saving us... *snkt* but your princess is in
another castle! (Multiple voices burst out laughing in the background.)
Luigi
Slams the phone down and looks furious. Storms off towards Mario.) MARIO! We’re a-leaving right now!
Mario :But Luigi---
Luigi: RIGHT NOW!!! (Begins to drag Mario out of his chair to the door)
Mario: WAAAAA! Mama mia! Okay, okay, we’re going, we’re going! (Cut for intro sequence.
After, they get to door, opening:) Okay, let’s-a---- (pauses, looking down, an odd-
looking man is crouching on the ground in front of the door, sifting through
Mario’s mail. The man pauses and looks up. Awkward silence. Then, suddenly,
points at the Mario Bros. and goes:)
Smith
Very enthusiastically and upbeat:) Hey theeere! I couldn’t help but overhear yourunfortunate predicament as I was passing by, and I’m happy to say I think I can
help you gentlemen out! The name’s Smith! (Extends hand for handshake)
Mario: (pointing) Is that our mail?
Smith :Yes and as a real estate agent I can help you find the perfect home for a pair of talented
young oddly dressed plumbers such as yourselves! I’ve been doing this for quite
some time and---
Mario: (looking a bit weirded out:) You were sifting through our mail.
Smith :Yes and I’ve helped hundreds of people just like you relocate to nice, enjoyable
neighborhoods that met their every needs, for a reasonable price! So
whaddayasay? Do you wanna get started?
Mario: (to Luigi:) He was sifting through our mail!
Luigi
to Smith:) Did my tax returns come in yet?Smith :I can’t say they have. (Tucks tax return deeper into his back pocket)
Mario
shocked) WHA---!?Luigi: Well, I think we should get-a started. Let’s-a go!
Smith: (Points fingers at Mario Bros.) Radical! Let’s start the search for your new home! (Luigi
and Smith start walking away. Mario pauses for a few seconds, baffled.)
Mario: ...but... (defeated, he wanders off to the other two.)
Scene 2
Location:
Characters:
Various houses and neighborhoods, The House
Mario, Luigi, Smith, Wario, Waluigi, Ash, Otacon, SEGA Girl, Generic People
Props: SEGA Genesis system, blindfold, large piece of bark, Pokeballs, a bush, sunglasses, a
cap of some sort, a boombox, lots of mail
Smith
The Mario Bros. and Smith are at the first house to look at.) Okaaay! This house is in aprime location, very close to the (Gives some description of the surrounding area.
Depends on which house we choose and its location. Regardless, he points to
things, using outdated slang and possibly a few videogame references
like “Perfect spot for an Old Rodâ€, “The neighbors are respected NPCsâ€
or “Easy access to Warp Pipes down the roadâ€. Luigi nods and looks interested.
At some point, Mario becomes bored and everything Smith says just fades out and
becomes “Blah blah blah blah blahâ€. He looks offscreen and seems perked up.)
Mario: Oh look! A koopa! (runs off)
Luigi
turns around) Mario! NOOOOO--- (cuts off to next scene, walking down the road, Smithahead, Mario and Luigi behind. Mario looks guilty, Luigi looks aggravated. Wait
one or two seconds before Luigi speaks.)
Luigi
seriously) I can’t believe you stomped on that old lady’s pet turtle.Mario :Oh, like you could tell it was someone’s pet.
Luigi :It had a collar! And a leash! That she was holding!!!
Smith
interjecting) Okaay! This here house is totally tubular, but don’t take my word for it!Let’s ask the neighbors!
Mario :Okie-dokie. (Cut to neighbor’s front door. Smith rings the doorbell. The old SEGA logo
sound plays, and the Mario Bros. seem nervous.)
Sega Girl:(Person in as much Sonic gear as physically possible on answers the door,
clutching a SEGA Genesis in one arm. Her face contorts when he sees the Mario
Bros. and yells:) GET AWAY FROM ME YOU NINTENDO FREAKS! (door
slams)
Smith: (points at Mario Bros.) Okaaay! Let’s try somewhere else! (Mario and Luigi look
completely freaked out. They look at each other, then slowly follow. Funny
montage music begins here.)
At this point, a montage of scenes depicting the Mario and Luigi’s house-hunting
ventures ensues. First, the trio is running around a street. (Keep this street in
mind as it’ll be used multiple times. The shot is from a person’s yard directly out
to the street, so that the sidewalk goes left-to-right.) The trio goes right, following
Smith. Cut to shot of Smith pointing at a house, giving a thumbs up with both
hands to the Bros and smiling greatly. The Bros shake their heads. Smith looks
bummed, then goes off to another house. Cut to the Street, the trio goes right. Cut
to rickety house. Smith, wearing sunglasses and a backwards cap, gives the
thumbs-up. Mario and Luigi look worried and shake their heads. Smith moves on.
Cut to Street. Trio goes left, stops in middle. Smith scratches head, counts houses,
then heads diagonally left. Cut to great house. Smith now has boombox, giving
thumbs-up again. Bros seem impressed, nod. A ring/Chaos Emerald hits Mario
in head. Luigi picks it up. Both look left. House next door is SEGA Girl’s house.
She’s waving fist in air, then chases Bros. Bros skedaddle. Cut to street. Mario
and Luigi are being chased right by SEGA Girl, Smith absent. Disappear to the
right. Reappear going left, being chased by slightly more people (3-4). Disappear
to the left. Reappear sprinting to the right, being chased by at least 20 people
now. Also, Ash Ketchum is right behind the Mario Bros, running with them, but
unseen by them. Finally, the three drag their legs left, panting and stopping in the
middle to catch their breath. The music starts to fade here. Cut to different angle
of the street.
Luigi: *Pant, pant* I think we lost them. *Pant, pant*
Mario: Yeah. *Pant, pant* Who knew SEGA fans could run so fast? *Pant*
Ash:
*Pant* Not me! *Pant* (Mario and Luigi look shocked and turn behind them, then
scream. In response, Ash also screams at them, but he’s not sure exactly why he’s
screaming. Eventually, it dies down, and there’s a pause.)
Mario: Who are you?
Ash: I’m Ash Ketchum, the world’s greatest Pokémon trainer! (Strikes a dynamic pose, then
tries out some moves, but fumbles with a Pokeball and ends up tripping himself.)
Oww...
Luigi: Wait... You’re Ash Ketchum, the guy from that TV show? How old are you?
Ash: (Getting up. In a deep voice:) *cough* Ten.
Mario: Okaaaaay... So what are you doing here?
Ash: Well, I was looking for some rare and elusive Pokémon! Look, here’s one I caught an
hour ago! (Shows them a piece of bark.) Looks like this guy’s goin’ to the
Pokémon Center soon, huh?
Luigi: Uuuuummmmm... yeah... (Aside, to Mario:) Mario, I think we’d better look after this
guy. I think he might need our help.
Mario: What? Why do we need to look after him? I saw a documentary on Kanto once. Over
there, the parents shove animals into their poor children’s hands and have them
live off the wilderness, fighting off wild creatures for their very survival! I’m sure
he can look after himself. (Both look at Ash)
Ash:
(Talking to piece of bark:) Alright Barky, use Leech Seed! (pauses) Um... Alright Barky,
use Vine Whip! (pauses)
Mario: (Looking back to Luigi:) Well, then again...
Ash:
Alright Barky, use---
Mario: Say, Ash. How’d you like to live with us for a while? It would give you a nice cheap
place to stay, and you can spend as much time as you want catching the local...
um... Gym badges or something...
Ash:
Wow, you really mean it!?! That’d be great! Do I get to eat there, too?
Mario: Ummm... yeah... Why?
Ash: (Starting to get wheezy) Well, we don’t really have... you know... food in Kanto. Just
Potions. *awkward silence, besides Ash wheezing*
Mario: Okaaaaay... Let’s try to find Smith. (Walks off. Switch to scene of the three walking down
a different road. Ash is singing the “Route 2†music from Pokémon in a very
annoying fashion.)
Mario
o you have to do that while we’re walking? It’s been a long day for us.Ash: Sorry, it’s just a habit of mine HEY DO YOU GUYS HEAR THAT!?!?!?!?! (turns
around when the caps start)
Luigi: (clutching ears) Wah! I can’t hear anything after that!
Ash: No, really! Listen! (pause)
Wario: (Offscreen, starting softly, then getting louder:) Bush bush bush bush bush bush bush
bush...
Ash:
(squinting:) It sounds like... (Wario rounds corner, coming into view. All you can see is a
bush.) A NEW POKEMON!!!!! ASH USES TACKLE!!!!! (Ash tackles the bush,
revealing that it was just Wario in a bush.)
Wario: WAAA! Get off of me you little twerp!
Ash:
Aw! You’re not a Pokémon. You’re just a fat guy in a bush costume! (Gets up off of him.)
Mario: Wario! What are you doing here?
Luigi :And why were you following us?
Ash:
And why aren’t you a Pokémon? (Mario and Luigi look at him, and he shrinks back.)
Wario: Well, I was busy rubbing my face against a gold coin when I overheard you giving away
free stuff, and I want in.
Luigi: Wait, so you want to share a house with us, too? Why?
Wario: Well, let’s just say the Mushroom Kingdom and I have different views on certain things.
(Flashback to a room. Wario is reading some mail. Suddenly, he jumps up and
exclaims: “WHAT!?! TAXES!?! Forget this, I’m moving.â€)
Mario: Hang on. If I remember correctly, you hate us. Why would you want to live with us?
Wario: (Toying with Mario:) Well, if you don’t want me to live with you, maybe reminding you
about that one time will change your mind.
Mario: (With a look of panic on his face:) Uhh...
Luigi
curious:) What “one time?â€Wario: Oh, the time where Mario--- (Mario covers Wario’s mouth with his hand.)
Mario: (Nervously:) Nonononono (nervous laughter) that’s okay Wario, I’m sure it’ll be fine
that you’re staying with us. (more nervous laughter)
Luigi: (Suspiciously:) Riiight... (to Wario:) Say, isn’t Waluigi usually with you?
Wario: Well, he was, before this twerp over here decided to tackle me!
Mario: Why did you tackle him? You had a... uh... “Pokémonâ€...
Ash:
Hah! Don’t be silly! Barky was way too weak to fight in a Pokémon battle! Besides, I
Had to act quickly or the Bush might have ran away!
Waluigi: (Offscreen
Waluigi is here to save the day! (Jumps out heroically wearing ablindfold and a shirt for a cape.)
Wario: (to Waluigi:) Why didn’t you help me, you toothpick?
Mario Is he coming, too?
Wario: (Toying with Mario:) Well---
Mario: (Nervously:) Okay, let’s-a go! We have to find Smith soon, before the Sun sets!
Waluigi: Because Waluigi is invisible! (Pause. Wario yanks off blindfold.) Awww...
Luigi: Hey Mario, isn’t that him over there? (Points to a hunched-over figure on a nearby
doorstep)
Mario: I think so. (To Smith:) Smith! (Smith jumps up, startled, fumbling dozens of letters and
other mail. He stuffs it all in the back of his pants, then rushes over to Mario and
company.)
Smith: Hey theeere! I’ve been looking all over for you guys! Whoa! Looks like you got some
more roomies! Way cool!
Mario: (Pointing to his pants:) Is that---
Smith: Come over this way! There’s one last house I want to show you dudes! (Cut to the
House.)
Smith :Okay, here’s the low-down: Apparently I’ve gotten into a bit of a jam with the fuzz. I
was rapping with them and they said I can’t get any crust from selling you guys a
pad around here! I was a little narked, but I kept my hair on and found a loophole!
(Everyone else is looking confused, and there is a long pause. Finally, Wario
says:)
Wario: Huh?
Smith: In other words, this is the only house in the country that I’m legally allowed to sell you if
I want to stay out of a prison cell. (Everyone looks at each other in complete
understanding, saying exclamations of their understanding, like: “Oh!†“That
makes perfect sense!†“That slang was confusing.†“Waluigi likes purple.â€
and “Yeah, sounds good.â€)
Mario: So, Smith, how much is this-a gonna cost?
Smith: (Whipping out a calculator and glasses:) Well, based on the average cost of a house,
adjusting for inflation and interest rates, multiplying by the denominator, plus the
square root of my monthly paycheck, this brings the total to a measely 289,637
dollars and 45 and three-quarters cents.
Mario: Dollars? Will you accept gold coins instead? We have 99.
Ash: What about Pokedollars? I have about 12,000!
Wario: How ‘bout an I.O.U.?
Smith Now, chill! Let me do some thinkin’. (Does some calculations on his calculator. The first
one reads “12,000 x 0.001 = $1.20†Smith Frowns. The second reads “99 x
25,811.84 = $2,555,372.16 Smith grins.†After looking at screen:) Luckily for
you dudes, that should juuust about cover it. I’ll take those! Enjoy your new pad!
(Walks off)
Mario: Oakie-doakie! Let’s get moved in! Luigi, get the furniture.
Luigi: Ummm... Mario? You told me to throw that stuff away.
Mario: No I didn’t! I told you to throw the trash away! Mama mia! Well, I guess moving in’s
gonna be a bit simpler at least... Do you have anything with you, Ash?
Ash: I got everything I’ll ever need right here! (pats backpack)
Mario: Okaaay... What about you, Wario? Or you, Waluigi?
Wario: I’m not payin’ anyone to move my stuff. All I brought was my fat wad of cash.
Waluigi:
Waluigi doesn’t need material objects. Waluigi has already found inner peace.
Waa.
Mario: Ummm... Let’s go look at the inside. (The group goes to the front screen door and opens
it. At the same time, Otacon opens the main front door, and both parties look
surprised. If possible, the Metal Gear Solid exclamation point appears over
Otacon’s head, and the sound effect goes off.)
Otacon: (After a moment:) Can I help you?
Mario: Uhhh...
Wario: Get outta our house you nerd!
Otacon: ...This is my house. I’ve owned it for years. My name’s even on the mailbox.
Luigi: Oh no! We’ve been scammed!
Mario: (panicked:) Oh no. Nonononononononono. This can’t be happening. We just paid our life
saving to this guy, and now we don’t even have a house? This is bad, this is very,
very bad...
Ash: Do you know how many battles I had to get into to get that many Pokedollars? Now it’s
all gone!
Wario: Heh. I’m still rich. (Waluigi is just picking his nose, oblivious.)
Otacon: Wait a minute... did this guy use really outdated slang all the time, and asked you to call
him Smith?
Luigi: Yeah, that’s-a the guy!
Otacon: (Frustrated:) That’s the guy who keeps stealing my mail! He’s bad news, I tell you.
Wario: Yeah, no kidding, Einstein.
Otacon: *sigh* I’ll tell you what. I feel kinda bad for you guys, so I’ll let you stay in my house---
under one condition: You have to ask nicely.
Mario: (After a pause:) ...that’s it?
Otacon: Yeah. Why?
Mario: Well, to be honest I was expecting something a lot more difficult...
Otacon: Oh! Well, if you wanted, I could always have you---
Mario: Nonononono it’s okay! *pause* So... could we please stay with you?
Otacon: Sure! Come on in!
Mario: Thanks! Say, what was your name again?
Otacon: It’s Otacon.
Mario: Well, Otacon, I things are really going to work out for us.
(At this point, we see a far-away view of the group heading into the house. the
camera goes further and further away, until you see a bit of a person standing
off to the side of the camera. All you can see is a bit of their legs, but you can tell
he’s been watching the group for a while. After a moment, he turns and walks
away, into the forest you’re viewing the scene from. Cut to end credits.)
(PS I had to fix it up because things were missplaced and the names didnt have colons after them)
